Thursday, June 16, 2005

Eyes Wide Open…or trying to

We had pitched for a mammoth ministry project last year and although we had been on the verge of getting it for the last 4 months or so the contract’s arrival getting postponed at the last minute, circulating one ministry department to another. Even before we signed the contract, we were called for an all day session with the various state departments, us being the ‘chosen’ agency!

A small team of us went to a review meet of this ambitious project (considering its scope and pan India coverage). This was our first meeting of this kind, in presence of the state representatives, 1 from each state. This exposure would be good for us since our work would take off from here. We had a small presentation scheduled at the end of the day. And our team was looking forward to the various questions regarding the project, media and our role.

The meeting was held in a large plush auditorium of a prominent chamber of commerce. After the inaugural address by the Joint secretary, a rather efficient, businesslike lady, the day was spent in a review of the progress of each of the state on a number of issues concerning the project. But as it turned out, it was a forum for airing their concerns and less of progress.

I sat back enjoying it all. Unity in diversity – the much touted line about India was in full display. How wonderful it was. Everyone working together for this ambitious project – the target audience of which would be the entire Indian populace! But very soon it degenerated into an unintentional comedy.

The distinguished panel of IAS officers, the joint secretary, World Bank representative and other senior officials had to fend of ridiculous queries. Often we found them, cynosure of all eyes up on the dais, trying to suppress a giggle!

Esteemed Panel (EP): “Have you received the instruments?”
State Representative (SR) 1: “We have received cartons. We do not know what is in them. How can we sign the receipt?”
EP: “Well open them. Or simply write that you have received cartons”.

SR2: I have received 8 fax machines and I need only 6.
SR 3: Sir our instruments are being sent to the godown and not to us. We want them delivered to our doorstep.
SR 4: Ours is a new state.

EP: How many people have you recruited?
SR 4: None. Ours is a new state

And then there was this lonely lady from Rajasthan who sat in an empty row all by herself. Her progress report was the worst. After a long session of saying no to every question asked, she nearly broke down saying she was the only person in her department and couldn’t cope with the work load and do everything by herself!

And so on...


Lulled The air-conditioned comfort of the auditorium, the participants lolled into various states of relaxation – the blinkers, the nodders, the glazed eyed ones, and the lean back into the chair and fast asleep ones! They roused themselves quite fast enough during the 2 tea breaks – and the sumptuous lunch.

Post lunch, most people were in the state of advance coma when an announcement regarding the reimbursement of travel vouchers brought a sudden flurry of activity. State representatives rushed out with indecent haste to have their claims settled. Finally it was our turn to present. We waited for the questions. But none came. There was pin drop silence. Not a single question was forthcoming, despite the panelists prompting the participants.

The director then brought the proceedings to an end, but before that he had to halt the mass exodus. He spoke to the gathering in slow, clear manner, enunciating each syllable, repeating each point several times, much like a teacher does to a naughty, fidgety, kindergarten class. Maybe, the director shouldn’t speak to them as if they were slow learners, I thought, as he gave slow clear instructions for a report, repeating each point several times.

“Any questions”? He asked.
“When will you send us the format”?
“What format”?
“For the report you want”.
“But, I just told you the format”.

And again he repeated it while we sat fuming. Can’t believe we spent an entire day listening to the woes of fax machines and post creations and who would pay for toner cartridges etc.

I found myself extremely drowsy, somnolent, terribly fatigued and above all, overpowered by a sense of apathy. I just wanted to sleep. Didn’t feel like work at all. And couldn’t care less. Much like workers at a government office!

I tried avoiding the glances of my colleagues from the direct marketing and media sections. They had wasted an entire working day to listen to the fax and PC woes. I was busy counting my blessings that I hadn’t insisted upon the presence of the creative teams as well. Had they come along, I am sure they would have mutinied at the idea of them working for this project when the contract finally arrived, 8 months after we pitched for the project and 4 months after we had been told we had got it!

Wednesday, June 08, 2005

Book Tagging

I am trying to get back into my 4 books per week schedule but with little success. Its been more like 1 book in 2 weeks. Blame it on work and home pressures. If it sounds like I did little but read earlier, that’s not true. I ran a home (everything and on my home and no domestic help). And any one who thinks running a home is no great shakes – well Try it. And for those who run their homes smoothly and brilliantly…well don’t tell me. I will forever hate them (yes pure envy).

Total books I own: Too many to count. But alas they are back in Kolkata. Here I have around 20 or so.

Last book I bought : Eragon (Inheritance, Book 1) -- by Christopher Paolini

Last book I read : Eragon. Am reading The White Mughals and Kriya Yoga (a little bit of each…no wonder am making bad progress).

Books that mean a lot to me: 1. The Diary of Anne Frank (although it was too traumatic for me to re-read it). It was given to me on my 13th birthday and that got me started on my own journals – a habit which I still maintain to this day after so many years and 22 diaries.

2. Through the Looking Glass by Lewis Carrol– Amazing.

3. Jane Eyre for Mr. Rochester and Pride and Prejudice for Darcy..but ofcourse.

4. The Century after Beatrice by Amin Malouf – One of the things I am grateful to France, for ever. I wouldn’t have heard about him or the book ever, and that would have been my loss, entirely.

5. My Name is Red by Orhan Pamuk

6. The entire Terry Pratchett discworld series

And I am sure there are others, which can’t think of now and will remember as soon as I post this.


I have to, I believe tag five people and have them (don’t know if they will) do this on their blogs (but here goes):

Rezwan – This should be interesting
Parth
Sougata
Ashwin
Runa

That makes it 6....more the merrier??

Friday, June 03, 2005

The unedited version

At last it happened. My first shoot. No I have not turned actor / director over night. It was my first shoot as an account supervisor. And I was the only one from the servicing team. This was the best way to learn the ropes, according to the boss man.

The shoot was in Mumbai. The minute I stepped into the balmy airs of Mumbai, I felt a rush of happiness. People say that friends make all the difference. If you have great friends, even a dull as ditch water place can become heaven. But I don’t really know anyone there and yet, I have always loved Mumbai. 2nd to Kolkata ofcourse. I am sure people might disagree with me and say, right, what do you know about Mumbai. I don’t. My trips are hurried affairs and I stay at nice places and usually do a spot of shopping, a bit of partying before leaving. Predictably I don’t have go through the usual problems of a congested metropolis and all the associated problems.

There were a few ‘problems’ though:-Problem # 1. There was no car to pick us up at the airport although we had asked for one. Our prosaic client, travelling with us, shooed us into a cab and off we went. Problem # 2 On arriving at the hotel, we found that their computer system had broken down and they had no records of our reservation on mail. So we had to wait endlessly. Problem # 3 – The car that we had booked for the day had in the meantime, come to the hotel and missed us (we were stuck in a traffic jam) and gone. So I blew my top and wonderfully. And immediately subsided and felt very sheepish, almost apologetic when seeing the hapless staff of a hotel famous for its inefficiency. It’s easier to rant at someone who is not so polite. Here, in contrast, all of them were shuffling and cringing, which made me feel really bad. So subsequently, I apologised (yes), to the first person I had screamed at – a trainee. God why do I do these things?

After we had checked in, our client, an elderly, but really smart lady told us to go and eat at “Mahesh Lunch House” famous for its sea food. Infact she even gave us directions. So we did. And how. We had rawas fish tandoori, manglorean prawn curry and crabs on a bed of garlic. And even bravely used the pincers (I think that’s what they are) to crack the shell. A messy affair but worth the trouble. We could barely walk when we were done.

We then went all the way across the city and beyond to the check out the studio. The shoot was scheduled for the next day. I sat in the front while our client and my colleague, at the back of the hired car. After a while, the whole car reeked of garlic. I looked everywhere to find the source. And then the client too smelt it. Egad. It must be my bag. Some garlic had fallen onto the bag. I quietly put it down on the floor. And the smell went away. But then my cell rang. And I had to pick up the bag to take the call and viola! There it was again – the strong odour of garlic. And so it went till we reached the studio. But not before I gave a lengthy explanation to the client about our lunch and the garlic and my bag. Thankgod, the client was rather sweet about it. Much later, back in our hotel, my colleague told me, it was her burping which was responsible. And somehow, each time I picked up my bag, she let a burp slip out. And she had a hard time controlling her laughter at my lengthy explanation.

The studio was marvellous. From outside it looked like an ugly warehouse with a gate which anyone can miss as we did. As soon as we entered, we had to go through a huge arched gate with CENTRAL JAIL written on it, complete with a huge iron door with a wicket gate. A must prop for countless Hindi film where either the villain or the hero and sometimes both come out of, and ask the havaldar for a ‘bidi’. The central jail led to a school, an ornate period house, a village chowk, a petrol pump, a temple, and a row of shops and more, all within!! This studio was at the end of a long straight road which came to an abrupt end at a river. Later on, the director told me that it belonged to Haji Mastaan and he had conducted his notorious smuggling operations right from here. I immediately had visions of men in ugly polyester suits with flapping collars (height of chic in the early 70’s) flashing torches at each other at the dead of night and saying “Sona aa gaya, Boss.” (The gold has arrived, Boss). Quite the ‘visionary’, me.

There was some shoot going on. Some elderly men were lounging around – they were playing the roles of village elders. One of them even had a bit role in our ad as the head master!

Next morning, the studio was a hub of activity. Very chaotic, at first glance. But as the day progressed, the team marvellously created classrooms, village scenes and an entire live market scene with complete shops and vegetable vendors including goats and chicken. The goats were, later on not used and some one took them away. The chickens however were covered by a wicker basket and kept up a lively squawking. Loads of children in school dress and village characters lounged around. Very colourful. Things magically appeared. When I said that we needed crystal salt for the shoot and not the refined one, hey presto! 2 bags appeared within minutes. Our client pointed out mistakes in the Tamil sign board of the school. Painter, some one yelled. A chap appeared with a pot of paint and brush and made the changes immediately. I pointed out that we needed a pregnant lady. “Pregnant lady needed”, yelled the director and ohe of ladies was rushed to the make up room and re-appeared looking pregnant. “She needs to look more pregnant”, I said. “No problem. One more cushion,” yelled the director.

There was one person from the production unit, dedicated to serving us. Apparently it the norm. But I was very uncomfortable. I had to just stand up and he’d come and shift my chair to wherever I went. He followed us with stand fans and gave us umpteem cups of tea and coffee and nimbu pani and any thing else we wanted including cajoling us to partake in the lavish breakfast and lunch spread. At one point, the chickens under the wicker baskets got really agitated, when some one discovered that one of them had laid an egg. Our faithful attendant immediately took it out and later served it boiled to our creative director.

The main actor, a character actor from Bollywood had his own attendants too. But he was a very nice, genial chap who was doing this ad for us for a nominal fee, this being a small budget, social service TV ad. Best of all, he had no airs and graces. After every shot, he would sit in own special chair that his attendant would set up, wherever he was. He had his lunch with us but on his own special crockery and he had his own air conditioned room, which he very graciously invited us into, in between shots. Infact, after he had done his scenes and had changed and was leaving, we remembered that we needed some close-ups. He immediately obliged.

But for the rest of the cast, the children, the shopkeepers, the villagers, things were different. They were ready and made up when we arrived in the morning even though their shots were scheduled later in the day. They had to find their own place to sit. And ate their lunch together after we had finished ours.

My job was to make sure that all the desired elements were in place. The right type mix of communities, young married couple (our target group), smart but non-urban children, pregnant lady etc. I also had an impromptu role as a singer. The spot was being shot simultaneously in Hindi and Tamil. There was a Tamil language expert on the set and he was trying to fit the Tamil lyrics in the meter and I had to sing the Hindi lines to him over and over again. Then he read out the Tamil lyrics and I wrote them in Hindi and sang it back to him to fine tune it!! I was quite thrilled with my linguistic skills. But that joy was short-lived when I saw the lead actor in action. He hadn’t seen the tamil lyrics till the very last minute. The Tamil expert read out couple of lines to him, he memorised it on the spot and acted it out and it was canned. And then he moved onto the next line. He took less time than me and had little problem with it!! I was impressed.

The director watching the proceedings from a monitor and gave his directions seated far away. I however, preferred to be at the scene watching everyone. Unfortunately, I was targeted by crows and had to rush off, not once, but twice to wash my hand and my head (ugh) in between shots. Our faithful attendant told me that it was good luck (to have a crow crap on you). Naturally, this kept me preoccupied. So when the boss SMS-ed to ask how the shoot was progressing, I wrote back “OK”. He later called to ask what did “OK” mean? Either I didn’t like what I saw or I didn’t understand what was happening. Oops.

And finally, when the shoot was nearly over and the crew were packing up, one of the lead characters, a pretty lady came up to me, looking very different sans make up, in jeans and a shirt (she played a young small town mother in the ad). She said she had recently come to Mumbai and was looking to make a career in movies. And moonlighting in commercials. Then she pulled her chair up closer to mine and said she wanted to play a police woman or a doctor – character roles in movies and definitely not a heroine, because that would involve making a lot of compromises (not being well connected in the film industry) and could I put in a word for her among directors I knew. I knew none. But she said it with so much hope that I found myself saying, I certainly would and if I were to shoot another ad film, I would certainly get in touch with her. She stood up and in a very touching gesture, bowed with hands folded in a namaste and thanked me and left.

I was very tired and could barely talk on my way back to the hotel. But I was happy. Everything had gone off well. The classroom shot, the community shots – in the market place and at the village chowk, the children playing, and whole lot of others and in two versions – Hindi and Tamil, all in one day including the sets (I had seen a bare studio just 24 hours earlier). The fairly large amount of footage would now be edited to fit into a 40 second spot to be aired on aired on TV. It will, I am sure be a great spot, but obviously, I will always cherish, the unedited version, the one I saw being shot!

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